I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
