forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
