Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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