You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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