What a fucking waste of an outfit
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
