this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
