Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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