too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
