Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
