You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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