i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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