the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
