ugly people sure do ruin things
i dont even know how to be here
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
