Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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