Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
