I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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