wakey wakey hands off snakey
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
