yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
