She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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