I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
