if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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