I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
