he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
