..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
