This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
