I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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