i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize