He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
