Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
