Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
