this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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