every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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