I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
