You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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