eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
