Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
