This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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