my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
