oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
