screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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