so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
