maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize