Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
