I feel great
I just peed on a car
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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