found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
