The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
