i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
