Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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