Got a toothbrush?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
