There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
