Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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