I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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