I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My vagina is very pro this idea
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
