I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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