C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
