I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
