Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
