so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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