no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
