In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
