I'm really into asian looking animals
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
