Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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