I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
