I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
