theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
