imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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