I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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