either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
