At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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